"Rocket Man?" Is that what They're Calling it?

When Sir Elton John first speculated that Mars “ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids,” there was an uproar in the scientific community. Many skeptics accused Sir John of “a total disregard for the scientific method,” and found his theory to be “lacking in sufficient evidence, proper citations, and also, lyrical coherency.”

Remarkably, NASA issued an official statement just earlier this week confirming the validity of Sir John’s prophetic claim, (first presented over 40 years ago.) “We can now confirm with 99% confidence that Mars ain’t, in fact, the kind of place to raise your kids,” stated NASA spokesperson Bernard Shagindwarf. “However,” he added, “we have found this phenomenon is not attributed to a lack of heat or population, as Sir John initially suspected, but rather, the inexplicable widespread availability of crystal meth."